I want to share myself with the world, but I don’t know how. Maybe if I just start, and then iron out the details later…
The desire to show the imperfections of life sits heavy in my chest. With social media, people say to take everything with a grain of salt. Everything is so carefully curated. Even the posts that claim to show the “other side”, the imperfect side, seem to be so carefully choreographed… It’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s not.
I want to share with the world, not to bolster some inane image of perfection to even to get validation from others, but to offer some kind of validation to others. Is that narcissistic, though? To think that I can be some light unto the world, showing and giving permission to others to be their authentic selves?
I’ve been struggling lately with the idea of a personal brand. Maybe I should take a few big steps back from that framing. It’s too professional sounding – personal brand. What I mean to say is that I’ve been struggling lately with my identity. I’m struggling with it internally, asking myself endlessly who I am, what I want and what drives me. I’ve also been struggling with it externally, how do I appear from the outside, what impact do I have on others and on the world?
Here’s the point where I usually start to spiral – With nothing really figured out… Who am I to try to share anything with the world? Maybe there’s no point to anything? Should I just get over myself?
In the end, I just think too much and don’t really manage to get to the part where I do anything about it. I just want to live my life, but I am stuck in this endless cycle of overthinking, anxiety and paralysis.
Analysis paralysis. The endless contemplation of, well, everything has taken hold of my entire being and is slowly strangling me like a boa constrictor. That’s what it feels like.