Somehow the idea of success that I’ve got stuck in my head revolves around the idea of building a personal brand.
But just the thought of what goes into makes me nauseous. The idea of carefully curating my life feels so overwhelming. Impossible even.
I wrote this post a month ago about who I am and what I do, but still I ask myself these questions on an almost daily basis.
What I have to do today:
- Write the site copy for a webpage
- Prepare some blog posts (not mine) for publishing
- Plan out my tasks for the next 2 weeks (specific to one client, but maybe I’ll do for all of them?)
- Avoid existential crisis
The last one always proves to be the trickiest.
I look at this list of things that I’ll do today, and I wonder to myself how much I enjoy those tasks and how much it matters?
There are too many variables in life, they always lead to more questions and never to an answer.
Maybe I’m just depressed from this latest shutdown and being at home all day everyday, stuck in this loop of: wake up, make coffee, avoid work, start work, stress about work, finish work, tv and bed. Obviously I do more than that in a day – today I went to the post office and sketched a bit – but when I try to understand what I do, that seems to be it.
Maybe I’ve become too complacent. Simply doing what people expect of me rather than what I really want. If that’s the case, though, it’s only because figuring out what I really want seems so unattainable.
Anyways, the point that I’m trying to make is that I’m no curator. Maybe if I were to cultivate a personal brand, it would be the brand of those lost in this crazy world. I feel lost and unsatisfied and confused about what all of this means.
And still, I’ll keep going. Maybe there’s somebody out there that feels how I do.
Continued…
I’ve felt like shit today. Tired of feeling stuck in a system that’s working against me. Running in the rat race, but not knowing where I’m running to…
So I don’t like what’s happening around me, the forces that drive people and society. But what can we do about it? Grab a sign and head to the central square to protest with other working people. A brand new concept.
Maybe what we need is bigger than a protest. A global strike.
If we stopped working, stopped participating in this system, we could change it. It’s not realistic, I know.
Most people don’t have the money to survive long, the pandemic has taught us that. And of course the most powerful are not motivated to change the system that has blessed them.
But I wish there was some way of forcing people to recognize that the capitalist system does not benefit us, does not benefit the majority. Maybe it doesn’t really benefit anyone. When I think about my situation – which is really, really good – and how unhappy I am, I find it really hard to believe that even endless resources are enough in this system.
Everything is monetized and manipulated for the sake of money. Beauty standards, white supremacy, the destruction of the environment and so much more… all for money. Fuck.